April Showers

While growing up, I often heard the old saying, “April showers bring May flowers.” It was usually when I was complaining that I wanted to be playing outside, enjoying the break from the winter cold. Now, as an adult, spring showers, while they can be dreary, ultimately take me to a happy place because they are a reminder that it’s the beginning of gardening season, and that soon—very soon—I will be transplanting my plant babies from the greenhouse to the garden beds. Yes, more of getting my hands in the dirt, rejuvenation, renewal, brushing away dead leaves to reveal new growth—my third-year Lenten roses are finally starting to spread!
This idea of rain being the necessary “inconvenience,” that if patiently seen through, will bring goodness has new meaning for me this spring. This April marks one year since my cervical disc replacement surgery and the subsequent bilateral pulmonary emboli and remaining blood clots that landed me in a critical care unit for seven very long days. Though I really dislike clichés like, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” clichés and stereotypes and old sayings exist for a reason: there is a bit of truth to them. While I don’t feel like last year’s “inconvenience” brought goodness (in fact, I’m still dealing with residual side effects), I do feel like I can choose to grow stronger from it.

“The way we think about experience can completely determine how we feel about it.”

Sam Harris

I’ve gained strength in the ability to ask for help and to realize that I do need supportive people in my life. I’m learning how to say no so that I can say yes. I’m feeling/facing new anxieties rather than avoiding or numbing them. I’m becoming more brave and articulate in advocating for myself.
I’ve thought about eventually creating a painting or series to commemorate the event (and associated trauma), but that will take time. “April showers bring May flowers” will always have a dual meaning for me. I would be happy to hear of your “dual meaning” or similar experience.